I quit

I'm tired
I'm cranky
I can't stop thinking about things totally off-topic and traumatic

My stomach is growling
My joints ache
My eyes burn

I need a vacation
...far, far away.

(and I can't stop thinking about you. You suck)


Why is it...

... that only those with kids have the right to be truly exhausted? I don't have kids, but I know how it feels to be truly and utterly exhausted. I don't have to have kids to know what it feels like to have only 3-4 hours of sleep at night. I don't have to have kids to know what it feels like to run around all day and not have a moment of peace to yourself. The big difference, in my opinion, is that I don't complain about it EVERY SINGLE DAY!

... that only the unemployed have the right to complain about being broke? I'm not unemployed, but I sometimes think I would be better off if I were. I work part-time, bring home $125/week, have a car payment, rent, student loans, car insurance and living expenses to worry about. Yet, because I'm educated and working part-time, this makes me better off than someone who is unemployed. Someone explain that one to me. By no means am I independent. By no means can I afford to live. By no means do I want to live off of someone else's generosity. I'm broke. Dead broke. Probably more broke than the unemployed who collect unemployment or other government assistance. The big difference, in my opinion, is that I don't complain about it EVERY SINGLE DAY!

... that I have to be a high school drop-out with three kids at home in order to get a waitressing job? I've applied to about 15 waitressing jobs over the past 6 months and have been turned down for every single one of them. It seems that as soon as they see I have a Bachelors degree, I'm working on my Masters and I'm a certified teacher, they conclude that I'm either over-qualifed or I don't need the job as much as the other applicant, a single-mother living at home with her parents. If I didn't need the job, I wouldn't have applied for it. My life is hard too. I suffer too. The big difference, in my opinion, is that I don't complan about it EVERY SINGLE DAY!

... that people don't take responsibility for where they are in life? I take full responsibility for where I am in life. I know that my actions and decisions are the sole reason for my current life situation. I don't blame anyone else. I don't feel like anyone owes me anything or that I am entitled to anything. I know that I can accomplish things with hard work and dedication. So why do other people blame others for their shitty life? Why do others feel they are owed things in life without hard work? And, of course, why do they have to complain about it EVERY SINGLE DAY!


A Brief Guide on Bitter Behavior

There are some things you should never, ever do while bitter. All of which I have done. Today.
  1. blog. One should never blog while bitter. Unless your blog is dedicated to being bitter, and then you should be okay. Please be advised, this may result in some unfortunate posts involving The Cranberries.
  2. text. One should never text while bitter. Even (especially) if the recipient is the reason behind your bitterness. Bitter texts always come off as bitchy, and even though the recipient may have, quite possibly, very well deserved a bitter-bitchy text, you will undoubtedly end up regretting that you sent it and become even more bitter over the idea that you just, most likely, ruined a good thing.
  3. update your facebook status. One should never update their facebook status while bitter. Especially if immediately preceded by #2 . Your bitterness could very well be misconstrued as pettiness, which is never good.
  4. grocery shopping. One should never go grocery shopping while bitter. This will result in questionable purchases that try to pass themselves off as appropriate dinner choices. For example (and this is purely hypothetical), black licorice, microwave popcorn and ginger ale (see #6).
  5. spit. One should never spit while bitter. Especially if said spitting involves a fast moving car, an open car window, a wad of gum, and lustrous blond hair blowing in the warm, springtime wind. 
  6. mix a drink. One should never mix a drink while bitter. Especially if one is well aware of the fact that there is no ice in the house. And you have no means of measurement. And it's only 5:00pm. However, if one chooses to integrate the results of #4 into said drink, this could result in some pretty cool effects, thus lightening the severity of your bitterness (see picture below). One should never do #1, #2 or #3 after or while enjoying the result(s) of #6.
  7. shut off your cell phone. One should never shut their cell phone off while bitter. Especially if this is the only means by which others have to get a hold of you, which of course, the laws of nature dictate, will be the time that everyone tries to get a hold of you. Not only will you, once you turn said cell phone back on, find yourself swamped by text messages and voice mail messages, you will also discover an unusual number of messages in your inbox for all three of your email addresses and facebook.
Well, I hope you found these tips helpful. Please enjoy the volcanic fizziness in the pic below while I go and break tip #6... again.

    Music for the broken blonde...

    In honor of the day...


    Spring is in the Air.

    Yay. Spring. Let's celebrate. Hurray. Hurrah. Hurroh.

    Alright, I happen to really love spring, but this isn't a blog about things that I ♥, this is a blog for the things that I am bitter over. There are a few things that make me feel bitter when I realize that spring is just around the corner...
    • I no longer have an excuse for not shaving my legs (really, the furriness keeps me warmer. I swear, it has nothing at all to do with laziness)
    • I no longer have an excuse for not going to the gym (it's SO far away, the roads are bad, what if it snows? What if the temp drops and the roads ice over?)
    • I no longer have an excuse for being an anti-social recluse (but it's SO COLD out there. I refuse to leave the house for less than 40* F)
    • I no longer have an excuse for not eating my fruits & veggies (but they're NOT in season, so really, I should stick to things that are, like popcorn, and beer, and popcorn)
    • I no longer have an excuse for not washing my car (it's COLD. the water will freeze on my car as soon as I leave the bay and that 's bad for your car. Really, it is. I know I read it somewhere. Best to wait until the temps are above freezing)
    • I no longer have an excuse for not showering every day (it's COLD. the water will freeze on my body as soon as I leave the steamy warmth of the shower. It's warmer inside my sweats, and besides, it's not like I'm sweating, or working out. It's not like I have to see other people or anything)
    • I no longer have an excuse for my whiteness (it's a nice winter color. it helps me blend in with my surroundings. I'm showing my support for winter)
    • I can no longer wear my winter hats, which I love (I mean really, who wants to be THAT woman, wearing her wool hat in May, smelling like cat pee, muttering incoherently...)
    • I can no longer wear my winter coats, which I love (and I paid good money for them too! Now I'm going to have to pack them up in a box with all my other forgotten winter wear)
    • It's job search season (Ugh!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I wish I worked in a normal field of work where you can apply to new jobs year-round)
    • I have to re-evaluate my wardrobe (Huh, how long can I get away with wearing these cords? I should probably put the sweats away for the season, right? What do you mean wearing eight layers of pajamas to bed isn't sexy?)
    • It's season/series finale season (Nooooooooooo!!! I'll miss you, Lost)
    • The birds are back (Oh Christ. Now I have to start watching over my head again. I loved my winter reprieve break from my irrational fear of our feathered friends flying over-head)
    • It's rain season (At least during winter, when it snows, you get snow days. No one cancels for a rain day. You just have to suffer through that shit)
    • It's birthday season (We just finished the Holiday season, now it's time for Birthday season. Why is everyone's birthday in April and May? Are people hornier in the hot sweltering summer months or something?)


      The Bitter Blonde is Burnt-Out...

      ...and currently recovering from an emotionally draining and exhausting weekend.

      ...and wishing I could take everything and nothing back.

      ...and wondering when my swollen eyes will stop burning.


      An entirely fictional conversation from the LDR bed...

      {shocked gasp}

      "What's wrong?"

      "What? Oh. No, nothing."

      "Are you okay?"

      "Yeah, I just... yeah, I'm fine."

      "What was that about?"

      "I just... I forgot it was you. Go back to sleep."

      "Who else would it be?"


      "If you forgot it was me, who did you think it was?"

      "Oh. No, nobody. I just forgot you were here. That's all."

      "Oh, okay."


      An entirely fictional conversation within the LDR...

      "What's that?"


      "On your knee."

      "Oh. I don't know. A scrape?"

      "It looks like carpet burn."

      "Oh. I guess so. I don't know."

      "And what's that on your elbow?"


      "On your elbow."

      "Oh. Um, carpet burn, I guess."

      "But your floors are bamboo."


      "How did you get carpet burn if your floors are bamboo?"

      "Oh. Must have been when I fell down the basement stairs. Remember? I told you about that."

      "Oh. Okay. Wait..."


      "Wasn't that like four months ago?"

      "Um, right."

      "So how do you explain that?"

      "Explain what?"

      "Those look fairly recent. How can that be if they happened four months ago?"

      "Oh. I'm a slow healer?"

      "Oh yeah. I guess I forgot about that."


      "Purple pain strangling yesterday"

      You wanted me to
      wear a purple dress

      and there were newborn
      lambs with afterbirth
      still on them

      and we were headed to a
      dinner party
      but we weren't

      Broken and Bitter

      Yeah, I did it again.

      I said I wouldn't, but I did it again.

      I believed and I was hopeful
      but you broke me
      and I let you.

      again and again and again
      and now I'm bitter
      but you're okay.

      I'll get over you someday.

      (the beer makes it better)


      Dream talk...

      making them
      a fire hydrant

      The Bitter Blonde ♥s Beer...

      ... and cupcakes, and in a perfect world these two would procreate and have rich and yummy offspring. And in a perfect world, I would be able to eat said offspring.

      Well, one out of two's not bad...

      Check it out! Beer in cupcake form! There are some pretty genius bakers over at (cacao) sweets & treats! I never would have imagined you could combine two such glorious treats together. They offer a rich stout (Guinness), a rich ale (Newcastle) and a citrus variety (Blue Moon). This goodies are marketed to men, but I know quite a few women (me! me!) who would enjoy them as well. You can find them here.

      Or maybe beer isn't your thing, maybe you're an old fashioned kind of guy (or girl) and you prefer some good old fashioned whiskey (me! me!) in Irish Car Bomb style. These sweat treats combine Guinness, Jameson and Bailey's into what I can only imagine is a perfect trifecta of heavenly proportions. I mean, these are like a grown-up version of Hostess cupcakes. You can find them here.

      Or maybe your tastes are more refined. Maybe you're a wine connoisseur at heart (me! me!), in which case you might prefer these Gourmet Wine Cupcakes. With a choice between Merlot, Chardonnay or Zinfandel, these tasty treats are sure to satisfy any oenophile. You can find them here. (It should be noted that the alcohol is cooked out during baking, so these treats are suitable for all ages. For a look at other goodies offered at (cacao) sweets & treats, click here).

      Again, in a perfect world, these would be eggless and I could eat them. In an even more perfect world egg allergies wouldn't even exist in the first place! Whatever. Enjoy your *bleeping* cupcakes.

      UPDATE: Rumor has it (and this comes straight from the baker's mouth) eggless and gluten free versions are being test run. Sweet! 


      This post does not belong here.

      You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.  ~Colette

      (I accidentally created this post on the wrong blog. Serves me right for blogging while tired and for having two blogs with such similar names. This post really belongs at One Blonde Girl. Read if you want, but please be warned, it involves crafting.)


      Not so bitter...

      Yes, my plans were broken today, but I had such a productive day, it didn't even bother me.
      Therefore, this post is barely bitter.
      In fact, this is post is barely a post.
      I leave you with these thoughts...

      "The urge to create is always great*"

      * brought to us by the wise old folks over at Magic Hat


      ...it was flaming, flames... flames on the side of my face...*

      I woke up with this song in my head.

      Well, more specifically, I woke up with these lyrics in my head...

      I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep
      I'm in too far, I'm in too deep... over you
      You were the first to be the last

      This is how the song goes in my head. I'm perplexed by that last line. What does it mean, "you were the first to be the last?" It doesn't make any sense. How can you be the first to be the last?

      Of course, I turn to the internet to further explore these lyrics and get some sort of understanding as to what's going on here.

      My first discovery... this song is called "The Flame" and it's by Cheap Trick, you know, the group that brought us "I Want You to Want Me?" News to me. I was expecting Journey, but I've never been any good with names.

      My second discovery... the real lyrics** actually go, "You were the first, you'll be the last." Oh! Well, this makes so much more sense.

      This is just another classic case of misheard lyrics. My musical library (as in the one in my head) is full of misheard lyrics. Maybe someday I'll discover the truth behind "Flat-bottomed Girls" and "Shot Glass Man," but I kind of like my versions, so maybe not.

      Please, enjoy this video.

      * a Clue reference
      ** lyrics brought to you by Lyrics Freak. You can find the full lyrics here.


      My little rant....

      I want pancakes.
      and waffles.
      and muffins and donuts and brownies and cookies.

      I can't have them.


      Dream talk...

      the sacred
      and the small
      have to move together
      with those feet