I'm not sure I can do this anymore

I'm punishing myself, but I didn't know it would punish you too.
When can I allow myself to feel again?
No, I'm never alright.
I'm shutting down because that's the best that I can do.
And letting go.
I will not cry. I will not die. I will not try.
I will not try.
What is it you all think I am?
I don't have the energy to call out to you.
I don't need your help.
Don't break me.
I don't want to put on happy face. I just want to be me.
We do what we need to do to get by.
Don't make me feel. Please don't.
I want to run away, run away, run away.
No, I want to float away.
I wish I had something to make it easier.
I want you back, but I'm going to push it away.
I want to be where you are, but I won't tell you that.
I don't deserve that.
I miss you too.
But not you.
You create your own messes, and this is my mess, and I must live with it.
I like it better when I don't care. Things are easier.
I'm unraveling.
Nobody wants the responsibility of me.
No one should have to go through that.
You told me I couldn't come back.

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